ta-ta


"The day u chose 2 leave me
u rained constantly outside
In truth I swore the rain 2 be
The tears in Cupid's eyes" (Tupac Amaru Shakur)

There is nowhere to start and there is nowhere to end and the in-between has me restless. Sometimes there is only one thing left to say and that is ta-ta. The wish to no longer long for you. The strength to walk away completely whole and not in two. The courage to smile with love all the way through. The courage to tell the Universe "Thank you" and not feel blue. 

You see I wanted you in every kind of way. I am now choosing not to fall victim to the twin flame trek. We are what we are, but I can place this badge away with the honor. I know that one day I will be able to pull it out for our reunion... 

Ta-ta my love. 

Very truly yours, 

She is no longer here...

She is no longer here…

The one who filtered her inner child since she was a little girl. 
The one who second-guessed her inner voice in order to allow someone else to keep their distorted view.
The one who was insecure about her nose, her hair, her feet, and her color. 
The one who forced herself into crowded spaces when she had a space on the throne. 
The one who hid behind a fake smile to hide her pain. 
The one who raced to nurture others but kept herself amused with pain, fear, turmoil, and self-hate. 
The one who would do just about anything to see the ones she loved to smile.
The one who didn’t like change because she was used to the dysfunction and stunted growth.
The one who used her imagination while daydreaming to escape her reality but never allowed her desires to truly manifest. 

The one who hid her gifts

The one who didn't give herself enough credit.

The one who didn't value her own worth.

The one who sought validation.
The one felt she wasn't good enough and wasn't for sure she ever would be.
The one who was afraid to expose her faults and mistakes. 
The one who would gossip in order to not think about her own bullshit. 
The one who couldn’t feel God but knew so much about religion. 
The one who kept her mind in a box with the limited views and opinions of others. 
The one who felt sorry for herself.
The one who played the victim in just about every episode of her life. 
The one who was afraid of being alone. 
The one who had a voice but was afraid to use it at times.
The one who played hero to everyone but herself.

The one who was afraid to shine.

Yeah her… she is no longer here. I haven't seen her around lately. The thing is you look just like her, but your smile is different. 
Your glow is flawless.
Your laugh is a treat
You’re wiser
You’re stronger
You’re divine
Your love is displayed beautifully…

The Love Note Inside Ascension

My soul hasn't been the same since another piece of my heart left me. This is the pain after the funeral is over and everyone got back to living the temporary lives we all got. This is the pain that keeps you up at night riddled with questions, despair, anguish, weariness, confusion, a mirror, some answers, some clues, tears of heartbreak that won't stop because of the memories. The pain that strengthens you without you knowing until you there at that moment...standing with a heavy heart but refusing to give up. The pain that allows you to see who really cares and who doesn't. The pain that reminds you that everything on earth is temporary.The pain that plays back thousands of memories like a film on fast speed and you can't breathe. 
I'm left reading the obituary knowing that the things one beautiful soul desired to do were never accomplished. I'm left with a lesson live, your life, the way you want with joy or live your life by settling and anticipate a better life after death. I'm left with this bitter taste that a beautiful soul settled. I'm left with encouragement to be the best-selling author I desire to be. I'm left with my temporary time here on earth and I can't waste it and that I have to live it wisely. I can't settle. I don’t have to wait for anyone to accept me, believe in me, love me with action, like me, help, or anything. There are people on this earth that God gives you and you never have to question their love. One beautiful soul had known my insecurities before I ever mouthed them, inspired me and spoke life over me. I'm left different today because a beautiful soul ascended. 

Penelope's Why...

Why do I want him? The connection I have felt with him since I 1st met him.
Why do I want him? I have never stopped thinking of him.
Why do I want him? He makes me smile from the inside out without trying and my world is alright.
Why do I want him? Maybe because I never had him.
Why do I want him? Because I never met anyone like him yet I barely know him on a surface level and that is what has  intrigued me.
Why do you want him? Because I am in love with him.
Why do I want him? Because he is handsome.
Why do I want him? He works hard.
Why do I want him? He is a good father.
Why do I want him? He heals me without medicine. Thats a special gift only God can provide. 
Why do I want him? Because I pray for him like I pray for myself and family. 
Why do I want him? He makes me anxious. 
Why do I want him? I imagine him.
Why do I want him? Because it's this weight on my heart that won't leave whenever he is not around. 
Why do I want him? Because he inspires me without trying.
Why do I want him? He motivates me without knowing.
Why do I want him? Because I want to know if everything I'm feeling is wrong and I can finally move on or melt into him. 
Why do I want him? Because the light of love in my eyes is enabled by him and has been for a long while now. 
Why do I want him? Because I want to know if I made it up. 
Why do I want him? Because the time with him is never enough.
Why do I want him? I want to teach him.
Why do I want him? I want to make his world better.
Why do I want him? I want to change the world with him.
Why do I want him? Because I want to love him like I have not loved another before.
Why do I want him? Because he ignites my flame.
Why do I want him? Because I am in love with him.
Why do I want him? To see if it was a lie. 
Why do I want him? To prove the Universe was right and it was meant to be and loving him was not in vain.